Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment – such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing “Neckbelts” and a study finding that “depression hits losers hardest”. This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.
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In danger of losing his badge, a big city detective agrees to aid a small town sheriff in a routine missing persons investigation only to discover that at least one girl has gone missing in this sleepy fishing town each year for the last twenty years. When a body finally emerges on the lake and suspects literally crawl out of the hills, the two lawmen realize they’re being toyed with and to make things worse, the killer seems to have set his eyes on a group of sorority girls who are not only isolated by the lake, but have their own nefarious plans in mind. Outnumbered and out of options, the two lawmen must solve the mystery of the missing girls or suffer the same fate.
A sex-addicted con-man pays for his mother’s hospital bills by playing on the sympathies of those who rescue him from choking to death.
When Rachel Phelps inherits the Cleveland Indians from her deceased husband, she’s determined to move the team to a warmer climate — but only a losing season will make that possible, which should be easy given the misfits she’s hired. Rachel is sure her dream will come true, but she underestimates their will to succeed!
Bruno Stroszek is released from prison and warned to stop drinking. He has few skills and fewer expectations: with a glockenspiel and an accordion, he ekes out a living as a street musician. He befriends Eva, a prostitute down on her luck and they join his neighbor, Scheitz, an elderly eccentric, when he leaves Germany to live in Wisconsin.
Joon-soo is a rebellious high school kid who often get in fights. One day, his parents give him an ultimatum and leaving him alone in the house, Joon-soo decides to have a party at his parent’s home. He then goes shopping for groceries and comes upon an unexpected surprise. A little toddler sits in a shopping basket wearing the name tag “Han Woo-ram” and points to Joon-soo as his father.
When Steve Dallas, a womanizing local weatherman, hears that his off-the-grid best friend Ben Baker has lost his estranged father, the two return to Ben’s childhood home. Once there, they discover Ben has inherited the family fortune, and the ill-equipped duo must battle Ben’s formidable sister and deal with his father’s gorgeous 25-year old widow.
Thunder, an abandoned young cat seeking shelter from a storm, stumbles into the strangest house imaginable, owned by an old magician and inhabited by a dazzling array of automatons and gizmos. Not everyone welcomes the new addition to the troupe as Jack Rabbit and Maggie Mouse plot to evict Thunder. The situation gets worse when the magician lands in hospital and his scheming nephew sees his chance to cash in by selling the mansion. Our young hero is determined to earn his place and so he enlists the help of some wacky magician’s assistants to protect his magical new home.
Lorna is a strong-willed Texas woman who’s had enough of her untrustworthy husband, Dale’s, criminal acts and lack of husbandry. Fed up, she enlists the help of her old friend, Tiny, to help her figure out what to do with Dale after his latest double-cross involving the theft of $100,000 from a bank.
In a prestigious butler academy, passionate Emma and rebellious Henry train to become royal butlers where the competition is fierce and sparks fly.
A married couple of 6 years invites an old friend and his new, free spirited girlfriend to their Hamptons Summer home for a long weekend. Emotions and desires are stirred but in ways none of them expected.
Allora is a 30 year old successful Public Relations Agent who is increasingly becoming disenfranchised with her fledgling love-life. Encouraged by her very liberated friends Roxanna and Justin, she contemplates looking for love online. Sparks fly and the adventure begins as she embarks on a series of speed dates that lead her to very peculiar encounters.
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