Bessie and Winston “Slug” Winters are married coaches whose mission is to whip their college football team into shape. Just in time, they discover a hillbilly farmhand and his sister. But the hillbilly farmhand’s ability to throw melons enables him to become their star passing ace.

Doris Day and Howard Keel fuss, feud and fall in love as Calamity Jane and Wild Bill Hickok. At first curvaceous Calamity is too durned busy fighting Indians and cracking a bullwhip to pay mind to such girlie what-alls as dresses and perfume. She soon changes her mind when Katie Brown arrives in town.