Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment – such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing “Neckbelts” and a study finding that “depression hits losers hardest”. This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

Out of work TV cameraman Ron Kobelski is approached by his formerly reclusive neighbor Walter Ohlinger. Ohlinger claims that he was the mysterious “second gunman” that shot and killed President Kennedy. Ohlinger has kept quiet all these years, but has decided to tell his story now that he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Kobelski is skeptical of his neighbor’s story, after his investigations provide ambiguous answers. His attitude changes, however, after he receives threatening messages on his answering machine, and spots shadowy figures in his backyard. Is Ohlinger telling the truth? Or is there a bigger conspiracy at work?

Pressured by their immigrant parents to find spouses, two Indian-Americans pretend to date in order to survive a summer of weddings – but find themselves falling for each other as they struggle to balance who they are with who their parents want them to be.

Six weeks after the Gu’un aliens have invaded and completely conquered Earth, hapless Stewart becomes the Gu’uns’ official human liaison who ends up saddled with alien Greggs for a housemate. Stewart must help the Gu’uns deliver their message to the masses and win favour with humankind, while also aiding the human resistance and managing his enduring crush on Elodie.

Robot Johnny Five comes to the city and gets manipulated by criminals who want him for their own purposes.

A cross-country road race is based on an actual event, the Cannonball Baker Sea to Shining Sea Memorial Trophy Dash, organized by Brock Yates to protest the 55 mph speed limit then in effect in the U.S. The Cannonball was named for Erwin G. “Cannonball” Baker, who in the roaring 20’s rode his motorcycle across the country. Many of the characters are based on ruses developed by real Cannonball racers over the several years that the event was run.

A loving family, a successful career, finding true love. The things we all strive for in life. Many find their paths to be easy and straightforward – others are like metal to magnets, being pulled in directions with no control of their own. This is the story of Jack Hipp; a successful veteran police detective whose life always seemed to work out well enough. Yet he was always searching for more – whatever it might take to make his time on earth meaningful. And like most, he hoped to find true love and happiness in his life journey. A well rounded man, Jack moved up in the ranks in his career, had been a role model to kids, treated his family with respect and love. It was quite by accident that he found himself falling for a beautiful, up and coming criminal defense lawyer, Aponi Rhodes, who was almost twenty years his junior. Ironically, she was also on the prosecuting end of a case being built against his former police partner, Mike Deluca. Could their differences stack the cards …

Set in Seattle, OUTSIDE examines the intersection of two lives: Ramzi, an agoraphobic young artist living a hermetic existence in his downtown apartment, and Ana, a lonely undergrad moonlighting as an escort as they begin an unlikely friendship and romance.

A kidnapped boy strikes up a friendship with his captor: an escaped convict on the run from the law, headed by an honorable U.S. Marshal.

Toss lives on a sheep farm with her father in New Zealand. When Toss’s father dies in an accident, Ethan, an itinerant hunter, wanders onto the family farm and is given a job by her grandfather. Toss’s fairly innocent relationship with Ethan is severed when he forms a relationship with her mother.

Philip “HAWK” Hawkins doesn’t just dream about killing vampires – He eats, sleeps, drinks and freakin’ breaths it. After getting kicked out the Army for staking a fellow soldier with a blunt two by four, Hawk almost dies of boredom working as a night security guard at a deserted warehouse in his hometown of Santa Muerte, California – USA. Just when it looks like all Hawk’s options in life have expired – Filthy blood-sucking vampires appear. And of course – Nobody even freakin’ believes him. With his back up against the wall, his sweaty Karate Kid headband on and hordes of blood-thirsty murderous vampires closing in, Hawk enlists the help of the one person who kind of believes him – Revson “REV” McCabe, a dimwitted, vegan-pacifist groundskeeper. Together they join forces to save the whole entire freakin’ world. Well – At least their hometown anyway.

In order to impress his girlfriend’s conservative father, a porn actor uses his fellow adult movie stars in creating a fake traditional family.